Uptight & Personal Diary Entry Week Feb 22nd

2 03 2010

Monday 22nd
 
Snow.
 
Very gratified that Annabel’s apartment is tropically toasty unlike my own abode and I can have the vicarious pleasure of doing my yoga naked at the top of the tower and watch the snow flurries outside.
 
Slowly get self ready to go meet Sam in Camden. Have decided I am having too much fun and am therefore reluctant to leave. Having told Sam I was going to have a softs night owing to amount of booze consumed over holiday break we then end up in not one but two pubs plotting our next storylines and the acquisition of work that doesn’t fall under the ‘soul destroying’ category. It’s very hard to pen a bestseller or blockbuster screenplay when ones day job drains ones creativity and compromises one’s moral compass to the point where the professional and ethical needle permanently points Due South.
 
Tuesday 23rd
 
Have remained in London an extra day in order to attend a job interview. The interview is for what we in Australia would call a Creative Director and what the Poms call an Executive or Creative Producer. It’s taken me a while to work this one out and a lot of either applying for the wrong job or not getting anywhere applying for the right one.
 
Interview being held at a five star hotel – The Landmark in Marylebone for what has been described at this stage as a ‘meet and greet’. Seeing as I was informed of this meeting as I was on my way to stay with Annabel, I only have casual holiday clothes with me (or clothes that are suitable for Melrose, backwater that it is, but certainly not for five star hotels or five star agencies for that matter). Fortunately, Annabel comes to my rescue with the loan of hundreds of pounds worth of extremely arty yet elegant designer clothing and even a Marc Jacobs bag to complete the outfit – all completely beyond my Primark level salary from Melrose. At least feel I look the part aside from my hair which due to the snow and humidity points in all the directions of the compass like a global positioning system designed by Yahoo Serious. I wish I had the money to get one of those new Brazilian blow dries they are advertising in Hampstead but I don’t.
 
Very glad I am suitably attired as both people interviewing me are dressed like one expects senior agency personnel to dress and somehow I don’t think my little Next pinafore dress would have cut it. My only problem now is that if they ask me back for a second interview I haven’t a clue what I’m going to wear.
 
Leave interview with no strong feelings as to how I did. Lots of questions about project management and ability to take a brief and run a team, but no questions as to how I answer a brief or arrive at an execution. I mention creative rationales but again, don’t get asked for a specific example. Wonder if they are saving that for the next round or they just weren’t that rapt with me to go into those kinds of detail.
 
Go back to Annabel’s. Relinquish designer threads. Discover an email from another agency I wrote to last year asking me if I am still looking for a position. Wonder if meeting them will involve another foray into fancy dress. I’m not sure I can take much more of this designer pressure. Does anyone have some Prada they want to lend me?
 
Head back to Ely and supper with Cassandra. However before picking me up Cassandra manages to get some strange woman in a headlock from behind outside of Tesco’s having mistaken her for me. ‘Oh, you’re not Helen!’ I hear as I exit Tesco’s to find an abashed Cassie and a slightly stunned shopper. Thank goodness I could prove I actually DO exist.
 
Comfort food at Cassie’s (sausage casserole). When you live on your own any meal you don’t have to cook yourself if a good meal.
 
Wednesday 24th
 
For those of you who have been barely able to contain their excitement as to whether they have been ‘nominated’ for a Tesla Award, I can reveal it will set you back a mere £950.00 (cheap). Have now invented new bogus award – The Pinnacle, which I shall follow with The Bling designed to appeal to pimps, drug dealers and their ho’s and also certain people in the entertainment industry (well, pimps, dealers and ho’s certainly come under legitimate purveyors of entertainment – why shouldn’t they have an award – it’s valid). I know there is a special place in hell reserved just for me and it’s not the VIP section. 
 
Have to go to Nick’s office to discuss the sign-up figures. Predictably they are not high enough. Nick says he wants weekly meetings with me from now on. I am not sure what more I am supposed to be doing. Entertain faint hope that I may be given sack if I don’t get more sign-ups, however Matt says they have never sacked anyone to his knowledge so once again, this may turn into wishful thinking. May just have to find alternative employment as ticket out of there.
 
Meeting with accountant in the evening. Re-heated pasta for supper followed by four mini Baby Ruth bars. Bad.
 
Thursday 25th
 
Doctors appointment first thing. Good news. Have to have some more tests but doctor seems confident stomach can be fixed with medication and I won’t need an endoscopy or surgery.
 
Later find myself weighing in on various on-line forums about the orca who has killed its trainer at SeaWorld. Of course, my opinion of these aquatic circuses is the same as my opinion of any circus aside from Cirque de Soleil – humanity seeks to exploit the animal kingdom in any and everyway possible including holding animals prisoner and making them perform cheap and demeaning tricks for our amusement. To this we can add the vicarious possibility that we may get to witness such a fatality to this form of ‘entertainment’.
 
The human animal is easy amused.
 
There has never been a single instance of an orca (killer whale0 attacking a human in the wild. One can safely say the behaviour is brought about by psychosis resulting from captivity. And here’s where it gets complicated. Orcas live in complex, matrilineal groups. For an orca to be successfully released back into the wild, it would need to be reunited with its pod, something which may be impossible considering that the majority of orcas in captivity have been sourced from countries such as Russia and Iceland. Finding the family ‘pod’ may therefore be next to impossible.
 
Friday 26th
 
Try to get to work but bus doesn’t run. I have a meeting in London and the office closes at 1pm on a Friday which means even if I make it in I won’t even have time to download my emails before heading out the door.  I do a u-turn and head for Cambridge after informing office of what has happened. 
 
Elegant and enjoyable lunch with Bill (author), who has kindly invited Annabel to join us at The Ritz. This is such a treat, not just for the food and location but to have the opportunity to have lunch with two of my favourite people. Annabel kindly gives Bill a DVD of her Abbey Road series. Goose liver pate to start, then roast lamb. Sublime dessert, wines and then an Armagnac that is so delicious, so fragrant that inhaling it is sufficient to transport one into a state of bliss – nectar of the Gods indeed.
 
Head back to Cambridge but once again victim of the buses as the timetable has been altered and I find myself with almost an hour and three quarters to wait until the next one. Fortunately track down Matt in the Cambridge Blue and pass the time over a drink (water after the excesses of lunch).
 
Most concerned after reading coverage of the first Australian Cougar Convention on-line. Aside from the fact that many of these women look like drag queen impersonators rather than Stifler’s Mom, my main concern is that many confess to buying PS3’s or X-Boxes with which to attract younger men. My PS3 was a gift but am now seriously worried that I will be seen as a PS3 touting cougar. Not sure of my ability to pull off the drag queen impersonator look however and also suspect from the contents of her wardrobe that Annabel will not be able to help.
 
Sunday 28th
 
Worried that Simon’s little dog has died as a visit to his sweet little pet cemetery reveals a freshly dug grave with flowers but no headstone as yet. You can see photos of the pet cemetery in my Facebook albums. Simon adores his animals and had paid a lot of money to save the sight of this little dog who had diabetes. I gave him a framed photo I took of the dog as a Christmas present which looks like it may been a timely gift. It’s bucketing with rain and I’m not sure if he’s home so we refrain from calling but I resolve to get up there the following weekend and call to find out what’s happening.
 
Atmospheric but extremely damp walk in Thetford forest follows excursion up to Simon’s which was actually to visit Turpin who is also extremely damp and whose feet are in need of attention yet again.
 
Monday 1st
 
Can report I am not only busy engaged in writing my TV pilot but have even turned a brain cell onto my shelved documentary idea. In the wake of The Cove I need a hook. It’s all very well to head to a tropical paradise to film whales happily frolicking but maybe in the wake of the SeaWorld fatality I need to emphasise just that.
 
Tuesday 2nd
 
In potty mouth mode due to work’s firewall blocking access to my own video. Then get called down to Nick’s office for what is set to become a weekly ordeal over my sign-ups. Seems I am not parting the old ladies from their pensions effectively. I am told I must phone up the old ladies and be more aggressive. Maybe I should just start lurking outside the Post Office on pension day asking them if they have written books they want to publish and get them to give me a postal order on the spot. Either that or I could offer them a Tesla Award.
 
In Australia we know how to part old ladies from their pensions. It’s called an RSL Club. What they need to do at Melrose is remove the books from the warehouse and install pokies. Cash flow problem over.
 
Dean has found a Jedi knight certificate on line and he emails me the link suggesting I could offer that instead.
 
http://www.themonastery.org/catalog/jediknightcertificate-p-237.html
 
I forward this to Jezz who thinks this is a great idea with plenty of spin-off potential – namely the Boba Fett Award, the Dark Side Award, the Admiral Akbar Award (it’s a trap!), and then finally – the Imperial Award. He’s a bit worried about how Lucas will react to all this but I suggest giving George one for free which will probably shut him up. Either that or we give him some equally bogus award of ‘Best Sci-Fi Prequel Trilogy of All Time’ or something. Guess what, George – I’m LYING!!!!!!!!
 
Love the Gorillaz Stylo video with Bruce. Why can’t I be making stuff like that instead of coming up with new ways to part old ladies from their pensions and pump up galactic sized egos?
 
Realise I have managed to spend over a week without doing anything klutzy or which makes me look like an idiot such as demonstrating how my pants have gone Hammer in front of a total stranger.

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