Diary Entry 4th March – Save the Cars!!!!

5 03 2010

Thursday 4th

Very good start to day as have won £600 Mulberry bag on eBay for £44 and it’s not a fake.

Get to bus stop and find I have two missed calls from Dawn. Call her back. More drama about the pre-nup culminating in Dawn likening Bob and his money to Gollum and her doing a ‘Precioussssssssssssssssssssssssss’ impersonation resulting in Bob going ballistic and not sleeping a wink during the night. Only one thing for it now – the pre-nup has to be thrown into the volcano. I guess this makes Dawn Frodo and me Sam.

Need snack truck. The diet starts next week.

Dean tells me that Richard has left a Maserati in the warehouse overnight and that he always leaves his car unlocked and the keys to it in Arthur’s desk drawer. Foolishly Dean thought the keys were left with them in case a delivery of books arrived and they needed to move the car but no! Richard informs Dean that he leaves the keys in Arthur’s desk in case there is a fire so either Dean or Arthur can save the car. And where is the car parked? Let is go over this again. In the most combustible area of the building – a warehouse stuffed to the rafters with books. Dean and Arthur’s work area has a door which leads directly outside so one wonders in the case of smoke billowing in from the warehouse why Richard thinks that Dean and Arthur would not make use of this and instead launch themselves into the conflagration? But let’s get our priorities right – in an emergency it’s bright shiny Italian penis extensions before people. Save the cars! My God – where is your humanity? SAVE THE CARS!

Wendy comes back to mine for supper – Tesco’s Moussaka and Mediterranean roast veggies, orange cake, Mikado choccies and gallons of wine. We do Wendy’s chart – I’ve never seen one so full of sextiles and trines before, and then set about putting the world to rights. Both decide that one good thing to come out of Melrose is the friendships we’ve forged. Then the wine kicks in and the topic degenerates into a conversation about men’s bums. But that’s what happens when chicks get together guys. The talk’s just not fit for mixed company.

Have odd dream where I am at a party with Matt and Sarah Jessica Parker is there. I feel dowdy compared with her but Matt misinterprets this as insecurity and tells me I am far prettier than her when all that ails me is that I covet her shoes. Not sure that Matt would actually tell me I was prettier than SJP in real life. He’d probably phrase it differently and tell me that at least I didn’t look like a boiled horse and also that £200 spent at http://www.manoloblahnikonit.com would rectify any perceived shortcomings.

Then have further odd dream where I am sitting with my father (dead since 1991), and reading the Horses for Sale ads in the local paper. Come across a 17.2hh grey mare going for £125.00. I first say the horse is too big for me but then decide it all rests on the horse’s personality and not the size of the horse, so I decide to go see it. I wake up wondering what this all means.




One response

27 12 2010
Ken Holman

After reading your comments again, I can not believe someone of your supposidly talents would get things so wrong.
conky never killed any cat or rainbow serpant. the cat jumped into tthe water tank itself and the rainbow serpant is still alive and well. The one eyed salt water crocodile was killed by Winja, the aboriginal boy and Conky saved his life.
If you are going to comment on peoples writing, make sure you read the story correctly first. I think u should read the 3 conky books as teachers comment are that they help children to read correctly.
Ken Holman author of Conky the Magic Kangaroo.

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