Uptight & Personal Diary Entry Saturday 27th March The Winter Kings Rock Cambridge!

30 03 2010

Saturday 27th

Head into Cambridge to meet Imelda for lunch and then back to her place to make ready to see Austin in the evening.

Austin’s bank The Winter Kings are playing at the Cornerhouse Cambridge. For those of you not on Facebook – here is the link to some photos I took.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=215506&id=622667523&l=d7d34a0406

Sunday 28th

Sleep like the dead and am only woken at 9.55 by my phone. It’s my friend Kathy from New York who is in London on business for the week and this being her only free day, we have arranged that she will come to Cambridge and I’ll show her around. Daylight saving has resulted in a stupor or maybe that’s due to the alcohol I consumed yesterday. Luckily Imelda is on hand with coffee and croissants and by the time she drives me to the station.

Manage a mini-tour of Cambridge for Kathy which takes in some of the colleges, the Time Eating Clock and a walk by the river before it’s time to head to The Eagle to meet Matt where we remain until it’s time for Kathy to catch her train back to London. I head back to Imelda’s for supper and then she and Don kindly drive me home as gesture that is much appreciated as it has freed me from the tyranny of the infrequent Sunday bus service. As usual any visit with Imelda results in me departing with far more than I arrived with – in this case a gorgeous teddy bear which I hugged to me all last night and a rather beautiful tapestry jacket. Very tired however and sleep like the dead again.

Monday 29th

Wake up wishing I were back at Imelda’s. Wonder if I should call the teddy Darwin in her honour.

Spend most of day in semi-comatose state due to inability to adjust to daylight saving. Only roused from this when Jill asks me to cast an eye over a manuscript submitted by the author of Conky the Kangaroo. For the uninitiated, Conky is a MAGIC kangaroo whose powers usually extend to killing most other animals that cross his path. This can involve drowning cats, skewering crocodiles through the eyeball and destroying the Rainbow Serpent – the mythical reptile which according to Aboriginal legend created Australia. However, Conky is not about to let a little thing like creation get in the way of his psychotic rampage. I suppose this should have prepared me for Conky Ken’s latest literary offering which this time is a thriller and appears to involve psychopathic brothers who bite off the nipples of their female victims for amusement. This at least has the effect of jolting me from my stupor and before anyone makes any comparisons with American Psycho – Brett Easton Ellis he’s not.

Dawn picks me up from work and we go over to her place to book our Eurostar tickets and the hotel. Paris here we come!

Tuesday 30th

Jill spends most of the morning in ‘Everything you are doing is bad, I want you to know that’ mode. First of all – I am bad for agreeing with my readers that they can charge £10 more for appraising long and difficult manuscripts. Readers I am told will only be paid a flat £50 no matter the length. I point out that we now have a turnaround time on appraisals of two weeks and that this will result in readers not wanting to take on the lengthier tomes which will increase our response time. I am told that this is a bridge to be crossed if and when we come to it. Now have to email readers, apologise and tell them Jill begrudges them the extra tenner.

Later have to go to Nick’s office to discuss the figures. When I took over from Austin I was told my target was £50K a month. This month I hit £53K, but rather predictably this is still not good enough. I am told off for not being aggressive enough when it comes to chasing sign-ups. Worse is yet to come. Leave Nick’s office and Jill nabs me before I can retreat upstairs. She has noted I didn’t get to work until 9.45 this morning. I apologise and tell her my bus was delayed. This is no excuse according to Jill. I must endeavour to be there by 8.45am every morning. I wait for the ‘Or . . .’ It hangs there but does not make an appearance.

Up until this point I was unaware of my ability to influence Stagecoach buses. Clearly this is my hidden superpower. I am – Bus Girl. I can delay them or summon them at will. I feel I should share this with my friend Louise who is a Stagecoach bus driver. Armed with this knowledge she can have a sleep in, stop the bus for a Cappuccino break or even forget where she’s parked the damn thing and its passengers and when she’s hauled up in front of the Stagecoach Powers-that-Be she can then tell them that the running or non-running of the bus has nothing to do with her. It’s all down to me. They will exchange knowing looks. ‘Damn. She’s smart! We might have known she would figure it out eventually. Yes – it’s true. It’s all down to Watts. Maybe someday her evil influence will be at an end but until then – stay home on full pay. Everything else is just futile.’

It’s funny despite all this how often I end up waiting for non-existent or late Stagecoach buses. And one wonders why I would be stranded at Ely station late at night when I can summon buses at will. Clearly I allowed myself to be distracted by something frivolous like influencing the tides which must account for the buses non-appearance.

Today Stagecoach buses. Tomorrow – the world.

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3 responses

10 06 2010
Mel

Gosh, you are bitchy!

7 12 2010
whalewriter

I do try!

26 12 2010
Ken Holman

U are a sick person. the comments that u have made about my books are completly out of context.
Get a life!!!
Ken Holman author of Conky the Magic kangaroo 1,2 & 3

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